Faithfully Present

Last night I was talking with a friend about how painful it can be when God feels far away. For me, it was such a refreshingly honest conversation to get to have. I rarely hear someone acknowledge how discouraging it can be to long for God's presence, but feel that God simply isn't there.

So often, I feel that as believers we feel compelled to demonstrate to the world the value of our relationship with Jesus. It's so exciting to get to share the joyful parts of our walk with God, but in our culture that is so focused on success, so focused on proving our worth, it's hard to acknowledge when things are difficult. I know that in my own life, it's more comfortable to put on a front of having things all pulled together. But let's be honest--most of the time we don't have it all pulled together. Our lives arent' perfect, and neither are our walks with Jesus.

I wish that I could say that in the years that I've been a Christian, that my relationship with God has been one of steady and constant growth. I wish that I could say that in each day I have experienced new life that I have also rejoiced in my Jesus. And I wish that I could say that I wake up every morning with a desire to spend time in the word because God is my God and I love him. But that hasn't always been the case.

My walk with Jesus has been one that has been characterized by times of joy in my wonderful, glorious, Savior, but it has also been characterized by times when my heart has wandered, when I have been consumed by doubt, and when unbelief has blinded me to the beauty of Christ's saving grace.

In the past several weeks I have been blessed to really experience Christ and to get to see God working in my life. At times like these, it's easy to forget that Christ sustains me both in seasons of joy and in seasons of doubt. It brings such comfort to know that He holds us in His hands even when we feel far from Him. Even when we feel separated from His love. Even when we are overcome by unbelief.

When I think about my walk with Jesus, I am reminded of the man in Mark 9:24 who calls out to Christ, "I believe, Help my Unbelief". I do believe. I believe because Jesus has opened my eyes to recognize Him as my savior. But in my sinfulness I still struggle with my unbelief, and I think that I'll struggle with it for as long as I'm of this earth. In some ways, though, I can rejoice in my weakness and in my unbelief for my Jesus is faithful to draw me close to Him. My Jesus is greater than my failings.

So I rejoice when I feel God's presence and see Him at work, but I'll also patiently wait for Him when the feeling fades and doubt infiltrates my interactions with Jesus. For in both the good times, and the bad I have come to see the Gospel clearly portrayed: I am unworthy to even comprehend the greatness of my God, and yet He loves me, calls me, and redeems me. In both times of joy and in times of discouragement we can see that Jesus never leaves. He never forsakes. He is patiently persistent. He is faithfully present. And for that, I am inexpressibly thankful.