Yesterday I wrote on the brevity of life.
Yesterday it was abstract. Today I feel as though I've been hit in the stomach with this harsh reality. I just got word that a friend of mine, a high school debater, passed away this morning. A car wreck claimed his life, at only 16.
I've struggled with feeling angry with God. I've wanted to tell God that He messed up, that He got it wrong. 16 year olds aren't supposed to die. But I know that God doesn't make mistakes.
God is good. God is sovereign. God is in control. I'm so thankful that I know these things are true. I don't know if I'd make it if life were nothing more than a glorified game of Russian Roulette. I can rest in knowing that whether or not I can understand it, God has a purpose, a perfect plan to magnify his glory.
And in the midst of sorrow, sometimes the supremacy of Christ reigns the most clearly. He sacrificed Himself to save a sinful world. As believers we have been purchased by His blood. Though the brevity of this life is simply unavoidable in our fallen world, a joyful eternity awaits those who have been redeemed by the lamb. We all miss Clinton dearly, but we can find hope in knowing that he is raised and with the Lord and Savior that he loves so much.
I'm slowly discovering that nothing is certain in the life but Jesus. He is mine and I am His. I walk with assurance in this uncertain world that He is Risen and one day I'll rise with Him.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Life is a Vapor.
"Life is short. Eternity is long. Live like it."
A little green hard-back book. I don't think I ever would have stopped to pick it up if I hadn't seen John Piper's name printed in block letters on the spine. You should know that I'm a big fan of John Piper.
Life is a Vapor. Not a particularly uplifting title. I know that life is short. And I don't like to be reminded of that. People live. And people die. And the world keeps turning. Life goes on. At least for a little while...at least for as long as I'm living it.
You don't have to look far to find the scary reality of untimely death. A boy in my high school class won't be graduating with me this May. Too many of my friends live in single-parent homes, not because of divorce, but because cancer and car wrecks and heart attacks aren't fair. And all weekend long, insensitive news stations have been playing and replaying footage of the death of the 21 year old Olympic athlete who slipped from his luge on Friday.
Tomorrow is never certain. We must make the most of today.
That's exactly the point that John Piper makes in his 31 day devotional. "Life is short. Eternity is long. Live like it." is emblazoned across the back of the book. I wonder what my life would look like if I really lived that way.
I guess I really shouldn't have to wonder. I should already be living that way. There is no guarantee that I'll be here tomorrow...or even this afternoon.
In James 4:13-15, we are reminded of humanity's fragile ephemerality: "Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."
I am so guilty of boasting in tomorrow. Not the eternal tomorrow that I can be certain of, but the worldly tomorrow of school and friends now...camp in the summer...college in the fall. I'm even haughty enough to boast in my plans that I have for 5 years down the road. But ultimately, it's none of my business how God uses me and how long he keeps me here.
"Life is short" is a dismal reminder when taken by itself, but "Eternity is long" draws in an entirely new perspective. I am not long of this world, whether I live into old age or not. Ultimately, my life is in Christ. I was created to live eternally, to exist forever. That's where I should set my sights.
So I'll love life and cherish every moment that I'm given. I'll love people like there's no tomorrow and not leave any "I love yous" unsaid. I'll love Christ with the fullness of my being and forsake the things of this world for his glory. Life is short and when mine ends I don't want to regret having wasted a moment of it. Eternity is long. I plan to live like it.
A little green hard-back book. I don't think I ever would have stopped to pick it up if I hadn't seen John Piper's name printed in block letters on the spine. You should know that I'm a big fan of John Piper.
Life is a Vapor. Not a particularly uplifting title. I know that life is short. And I don't like to be reminded of that. People live. And people die. And the world keeps turning. Life goes on. At least for a little while...at least for as long as I'm living it.
You don't have to look far to find the scary reality of untimely death. A boy in my high school class won't be graduating with me this May. Too many of my friends live in single-parent homes, not because of divorce, but because cancer and car wrecks and heart attacks aren't fair. And all weekend long, insensitive news stations have been playing and replaying footage of the death of the 21 year old Olympic athlete who slipped from his luge on Friday.
Tomorrow is never certain. We must make the most of today.
That's exactly the point that John Piper makes in his 31 day devotional. "Life is short. Eternity is long. Live like it." is emblazoned across the back of the book. I wonder what my life would look like if I really lived that way.
I guess I really shouldn't have to wonder. I should already be living that way. There is no guarantee that I'll be here tomorrow...or even this afternoon.
In James 4:13-15, we are reminded of humanity's fragile ephemerality: "Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."
I am so guilty of boasting in tomorrow. Not the eternal tomorrow that I can be certain of, but the worldly tomorrow of school and friends now...camp in the summer...college in the fall. I'm even haughty enough to boast in my plans that I have for 5 years down the road. But ultimately, it's none of my business how God uses me and how long he keeps me here.
"Life is short" is a dismal reminder when taken by itself, but "Eternity is long" draws in an entirely new perspective. I am not long of this world, whether I live into old age or not. Ultimately, my life is in Christ. I was created to live eternally, to exist forever. That's where I should set my sights.
So I'll love life and cherish every moment that I'm given. I'll love people like there's no tomorrow and not leave any "I love yous" unsaid. I'll love Christ with the fullness of my being and forsake the things of this world for his glory. Life is short and when mine ends I don't want to regret having wasted a moment of it. Eternity is long. I plan to live like it.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Whiter Than Snow.
Snow Day.
All week long the Weather Channel has been predicting snow. I really didn't think we were going to get any though. I don't trust the weatherman. He lies to me. Lots.
But this time he was right. Flurries started falling while I was in my English class. The perfect little flakes swirling as they fell, buoyed up by the breath of the wind. It wasn't long before the temperature dipped just a little bit further and the flakes started to stick.
The snow is beautiful. I know that in other parts of the country that get lots of winter weather, the snow melts into icy sludge...or piles up on the side of the road and gets dirtied by car exhaust, turning it into "snirt"...or it falls on a dirt road and when it's not quite warm enough to turn into mud, it makes a big "snud" puddle.
It's not that way here in Alabama. Our snow falls in delicate flakes. It blankets the world in white. And it doesn't stay long enough for anything to blemish its pure perfection. We don't get much snow here in Alabama, but when it falls it stays as perfect and white as it was when it first tumbled from the clouds.
The white blanket of snow that covers the ground outside provides such a pretty parallel for the washing away of sins. In Isaiah 1:18 God reminds us of his power to cleanse us: "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."
What sweet assurance that verse gives to Believers. Through the blood of Christ, all of my nasty, dirty sinfulness is washed away. Someday I will stand blameless before the throne of God, not because of my perfect life, but because God is content to look on Christ's righteousness and pardon me.
Like the Psalmist who cried out "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." (Psalm 51:7),I long for the cleansing power of the blood of Christ. I am so thankful that God has provided a way for us to be forgiven, that Jesus has triumphed over the power of sin. He has broken the chains that once bound me. He washes me white as snow.
I am so thankful that God gives us natural, tangible picutres of his work in our lives. Job 37:6 recognizes God's perpetual command over the forces of nature: "For to the snow he says, 'Fall on the earth,'". Today, He must have said "Fall on Alabama." So I'll enjoy the brilliant white-ness of the snow. And recognize that I am free and forgiven. I have been washed whiter than snow.
All week long the Weather Channel has been predicting snow. I really didn't think we were going to get any though. I don't trust the weatherman. He lies to me. Lots.
But this time he was right. Flurries started falling while I was in my English class. The perfect little flakes swirling as they fell, buoyed up by the breath of the wind. It wasn't long before the temperature dipped just a little bit further and the flakes started to stick.
The snow is beautiful. I know that in other parts of the country that get lots of winter weather, the snow melts into icy sludge...or piles up on the side of the road and gets dirtied by car exhaust, turning it into "snirt"...or it falls on a dirt road and when it's not quite warm enough to turn into mud, it makes a big "snud" puddle.
It's not that way here in Alabama. Our snow falls in delicate flakes. It blankets the world in white. And it doesn't stay long enough for anything to blemish its pure perfection. We don't get much snow here in Alabama, but when it falls it stays as perfect and white as it was when it first tumbled from the clouds.
The white blanket of snow that covers the ground outside provides such a pretty parallel for the washing away of sins. In Isaiah 1:18 God reminds us of his power to cleanse us: "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."
What sweet assurance that verse gives to Believers. Through the blood of Christ, all of my nasty, dirty sinfulness is washed away. Someday I will stand blameless before the throne of God, not because of my perfect life, but because God is content to look on Christ's righteousness and pardon me.
Like the Psalmist who cried out "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." (Psalm 51:7),I long for the cleansing power of the blood of Christ. I am so thankful that God has provided a way for us to be forgiven, that Jesus has triumphed over the power of sin. He has broken the chains that once bound me. He washes me white as snow.
I am so thankful that God gives us natural, tangible picutres of his work in our lives. Job 37:6 recognizes God's perpetual command over the forces of nature: "For to the snow he says, 'Fall on the earth,'". Today, He must have said "Fall on Alabama." So I'll enjoy the brilliant white-ness of the snow. And recognize that I am free and forgiven. I have been washed whiter than snow.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Facing the Giants.
Deuteronomy.
The book begins with God's instructions to the Israelites to enter into the Promised Land. But entering into an unfamiliar place is scary. So the people gathered a company of spies to scout out the land and return to the group with information. The spies come back frightened, and report that there are giants in the land.
And the fearful Israelites recoil, refusing to enter into the land that God has promised to provide for them.
It's easy for me to condemn the Israelites. Fearful. Cowardly. God promised his people a land flowing with milk and honey. He promised to go before them in battle. But when the Israelites heard that there were giants, they refused to follow His lead.
But when I'm really honest with myself, I realize that I don't even care to mention how much I am like the Israelites. And I shirk away from God's commands at things far less threatening than giants. I fear awkward moments and the mean things people will think of me. I fear rejection and I fear failure. I fear pain and I fear loneliness, but never in my life have I been justified in my fear. I've never faced a giant....but even if I had, I wouldn't have faced him alone.
God promised to go before the Israelites. They wouldn't have been alone in facing the giants either. But to God's awesome offer of victory in battle and a fertile land to call their own, the Israelites said "We're too afraid." In response God sentenced them to wander for 40 years in the desert before he would once again deliver the Promised Land into their hands.
When they became aware of what they had lost in being fearful, many of the Israelites decided they'd suck it up...they'd be brave and take the land, but it was too late. God informed them that He was no longer willing to bring them victory. It was as though he called down from Heaven, "It's too late. I'm not going with you this time." Because they didn't trust, the Israelites lost 40 years of opportunity, 40 years of the Promised Land.
I am so guilty of the same lack of trust that the Israelites infamously exhibit in Deuteronomy. God is all powerful. I know that. God goes before me when I walk in his will. I know that. And I am never alone, for He has promised to be with me to the end of the age. I know that. But I allow irrational fear to rule my life.
However, I differ from the Israelites in one important respect. I don't always know what I've missed out on when I fail to trust completely in Christ. The Israelites were painfully aware that they would wander in the desert for 40 years to pay for their lack of faith, but often when my faith fails me, I continue through my day...never even stoping to think of what I've lost. But I do know that I pay a price for disobedience and faithlessness. Perhaps it's friendships that I've lost because I wan't bold enough to start a conversation, or maybe it's opportunities that I failed to grasp as they passed me by. But more often than not, I think that refusing to trust erodes some of the strength of my relationship with Jesus.
And that's too high a price to pay for feelings of comfort and security. So I'll affirm my faith in Christ. In Him, I can do all things. I'm ready to trust. I'm ready to face the Giants.
The book begins with God's instructions to the Israelites to enter into the Promised Land. But entering into an unfamiliar place is scary. So the people gathered a company of spies to scout out the land and return to the group with information. The spies come back frightened, and report that there are giants in the land.
And the fearful Israelites recoil, refusing to enter into the land that God has promised to provide for them.
It's easy for me to condemn the Israelites. Fearful. Cowardly. God promised his people a land flowing with milk and honey. He promised to go before them in battle. But when the Israelites heard that there were giants, they refused to follow His lead.
But when I'm really honest with myself, I realize that I don't even care to mention how much I am like the Israelites. And I shirk away from God's commands at things far less threatening than giants. I fear awkward moments and the mean things people will think of me. I fear rejection and I fear failure. I fear pain and I fear loneliness, but never in my life have I been justified in my fear. I've never faced a giant....but even if I had, I wouldn't have faced him alone.
God promised to go before the Israelites. They wouldn't have been alone in facing the giants either. But to God's awesome offer of victory in battle and a fertile land to call their own, the Israelites said "We're too afraid." In response God sentenced them to wander for 40 years in the desert before he would once again deliver the Promised Land into their hands.
When they became aware of what they had lost in being fearful, many of the Israelites decided they'd suck it up...they'd be brave and take the land, but it was too late. God informed them that He was no longer willing to bring them victory. It was as though he called down from Heaven, "It's too late. I'm not going with you this time." Because they didn't trust, the Israelites lost 40 years of opportunity, 40 years of the Promised Land.
I am so guilty of the same lack of trust that the Israelites infamously exhibit in Deuteronomy. God is all powerful. I know that. God goes before me when I walk in his will. I know that. And I am never alone, for He has promised to be with me to the end of the age. I know that. But I allow irrational fear to rule my life.
However, I differ from the Israelites in one important respect. I don't always know what I've missed out on when I fail to trust completely in Christ. The Israelites were painfully aware that they would wander in the desert for 40 years to pay for their lack of faith, but often when my faith fails me, I continue through my day...never even stoping to think of what I've lost. But I do know that I pay a price for disobedience and faithlessness. Perhaps it's friendships that I've lost because I wan't bold enough to start a conversation, or maybe it's opportunities that I failed to grasp as they passed me by. But more often than not, I think that refusing to trust erodes some of the strength of my relationship with Jesus.
And that's too high a price to pay for feelings of comfort and security. So I'll affirm my faith in Christ. In Him, I can do all things. I'm ready to trust. I'm ready to face the Giants.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
One of Seven Billion.
Numbers.
I'm one of 7 billion. And yet, He loves me for me. That blows my mind.
Numbers is named for the 2 censuses that occur within the book. 186,400 members of the tribe of Judah...157,600 of the tribe of Dan...151,450 of the tribe of Reuben... Hundreds of thousands of children of God. But more than 2500 years have passed since the Israelites were numbered. And today no trace of them remains. No names. No faces. Just numbers, but that's part of the beauty of the story. The Israelites were God's people in the same way that I am his.
Because of this I can confidently say that it doesn't matter that I'm just one of 7 billion. It doesn't matter that the world may pass me by. If I live and die and am soon forgotten by this place, it won't be my loss. I don't have to worry about security or the struggle for significance in this life because I am His and He is mine. Nothing else matters.
My God, who has counted the hairs on my head and has numbered all of my days has chosen me for life in Christ. He is sovereign and he has a plan for me. I can rest in knowing that his deep abiding love for me will never fail, and that his plan for me gives purpose to my life.
I don't have to struggle for significance because God has already chosen a purpose for me. I was created to bring glory to the God of the universe. What greater purpose could I ask for?
I often wish that I could see God's plan for my life. Especially now, when I'm making so many important life decisions. I'm a planner and I feel safe and secure when I can know what is coming next. But I'm slowly discovering that God doesn't allow me to operate that way.
He doesn't let me see the big picture. Rather, I am required to take each day, one day at a time, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. When I focus on Christ instead of the problems that I know lie ahead, I affirm my trust in his sovereign control of my life. I'm stubborn and I'm a worrier, so I struggle to blindly trust, but the surprises that await me in my daily walk with Jesus are so much sweeter than the security that I feel when I get to know what's coming next.
So I'll simply trust. Yesterday I got my acceptance letter. I'm going to be a Vanderbilt Commodore next year, but after that...I just don't know. And that's totally okay with me. I may be just one of 7 billion, but God has a perfect plan for ME. So I'll be patient and accept each day as an irreplaceable gift, because ultimately, that's all life is. A precious gift. And every morning that I wake up brings a new chance to rejoice in my God who loves me.
I'm one of 7 billion. And yet, He loves me for me. That blows my mind.
Numbers is named for the 2 censuses that occur within the book. 186,400 members of the tribe of Judah...157,600 of the tribe of Dan...151,450 of the tribe of Reuben... Hundreds of thousands of children of God. But more than 2500 years have passed since the Israelites were numbered. And today no trace of them remains. No names. No faces. Just numbers, but that's part of the beauty of the story. The Israelites were God's people in the same way that I am his.
Because of this I can confidently say that it doesn't matter that I'm just one of 7 billion. It doesn't matter that the world may pass me by. If I live and die and am soon forgotten by this place, it won't be my loss. I don't have to worry about security or the struggle for significance in this life because I am His and He is mine. Nothing else matters.
My God, who has counted the hairs on my head and has numbered all of my days has chosen me for life in Christ. He is sovereign and he has a plan for me. I can rest in knowing that his deep abiding love for me will never fail, and that his plan for me gives purpose to my life.
I don't have to struggle for significance because God has already chosen a purpose for me. I was created to bring glory to the God of the universe. What greater purpose could I ask for?
I often wish that I could see God's plan for my life. Especially now, when I'm making so many important life decisions. I'm a planner and I feel safe and secure when I can know what is coming next. But I'm slowly discovering that God doesn't allow me to operate that way.
He doesn't let me see the big picture. Rather, I am required to take each day, one day at a time, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. When I focus on Christ instead of the problems that I know lie ahead, I affirm my trust in his sovereign control of my life. I'm stubborn and I'm a worrier, so I struggle to blindly trust, but the surprises that await me in my daily walk with Jesus are so much sweeter than the security that I feel when I get to know what's coming next.
So I'll simply trust. Yesterday I got my acceptance letter. I'm going to be a Vanderbilt Commodore next year, but after that...I just don't know. And that's totally okay with me. I may be just one of 7 billion, but God has a perfect plan for ME. So I'll be patient and accept each day as an irreplaceable gift, because ultimately, that's all life is. A precious gift. And every morning that I wake up brings a new chance to rejoice in my God who loves me.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Prone to Wander.
Today my little 7 year old neighbor ran away from home. Well, I guess he didn't run away. Luke has special needs and he wandered so far from home that he didn't know how to get back.
I heard that he was missing about 30 minutes after he had left his house. The last anyone had seen of him, he'd taken his little bag of golf clubs and walked out to his yard. A while later, when his family went looking for him he was nowhere in sight.
We fanned out searching the neighborhood. His mom called the police. My brother searched the woods behind our house. I ran through the neighborhood, stopping to ask anyone I saw if they'd seen Luke. They hadn't.
After 45 minutes of frantic searching, I got word that they'd found him. He was more than a mile from home. Hiding in a stranger's dark basement. It wasn't until a squad car triumphantly delivered Luke to his mom, that I realized how much Luke's little "afternoon adventure" parallels my life.
I'm given more than I could ever dream of asking for in my relationship with Jesus. Really and truly, "My cup runneth over" (Psalm 23:5). I am blessed so far beyond what I am even capable of fathoming. And yet, I still find myself distracted by lesser things.
Like Luke who left his backyard, his dog, his siblings, his sweet mom, and the comfort and safety of home to simply wander into someone else's dark basement, I forsake everything of any importance when I'm not content to simply abide in Christ.
I'm reminded of the final verse of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing":
O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above
I am so prone to wander. My sinful heart lusts after things of this world: material things, success, academics, popularity....the list goes on and on. And sometimes when I wander too far, like Luke, I can't find my way back. I become so entangled in apathy that it takes me captive. And I'm powerless to escape. I can't do it on my own. I need Jesus to save me.
And that's when the beauty of the Gospel shines most clearly in my life. When I wander, it's only by the grace of God that I ever find my way back. Just as it was the first day that Christ captured my heart, He sought me out. That same hymn speaks to this part of my life too:
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
In the same way that I was in no way responsible for finding my own way to salvation, I'm also not the one responsible for securing my salvation. In John 10, Jesus give me assurance of his role in holding my heart once I am His:
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." (John 10:27-30)
I wish I could say that I plan never to stray again, but my heart is sinful. I know it is. I'm just thankful that God provides such beautiful, tangible pictures of his grace. And that Christ provides assurance that even when I wander like Luke, He will never forsake me. He holds me in His hand, and nothing, nothing can ever change that.
As is so eloquently expressed in 2 Corinthians 12:9, in Paul's Second Epistle to the Church of Corinth:
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Yes, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness. For in my broken inability to lead a blameless life and to cling unfailingly to Jesus, the power of his Gospel of Grace shines the most clearly.
I heard that he was missing about 30 minutes after he had left his house. The last anyone had seen of him, he'd taken his little bag of golf clubs and walked out to his yard. A while later, when his family went looking for him he was nowhere in sight.
We fanned out searching the neighborhood. His mom called the police. My brother searched the woods behind our house. I ran through the neighborhood, stopping to ask anyone I saw if they'd seen Luke. They hadn't.
After 45 minutes of frantic searching, I got word that they'd found him. He was more than a mile from home. Hiding in a stranger's dark basement. It wasn't until a squad car triumphantly delivered Luke to his mom, that I realized how much Luke's little "afternoon adventure" parallels my life.
I'm given more than I could ever dream of asking for in my relationship with Jesus. Really and truly, "My cup runneth over" (Psalm 23:5). I am blessed so far beyond what I am even capable of fathoming. And yet, I still find myself distracted by lesser things.
Like Luke who left his backyard, his dog, his siblings, his sweet mom, and the comfort and safety of home to simply wander into someone else's dark basement, I forsake everything of any importance when I'm not content to simply abide in Christ.
I'm reminded of the final verse of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing":
O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above
I am so prone to wander. My sinful heart lusts after things of this world: material things, success, academics, popularity....the list goes on and on. And sometimes when I wander too far, like Luke, I can't find my way back. I become so entangled in apathy that it takes me captive. And I'm powerless to escape. I can't do it on my own. I need Jesus to save me.
And that's when the beauty of the Gospel shines most clearly in my life. When I wander, it's only by the grace of God that I ever find my way back. Just as it was the first day that Christ captured my heart, He sought me out. That same hymn speaks to this part of my life too:
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
In the same way that I was in no way responsible for finding my own way to salvation, I'm also not the one responsible for securing my salvation. In John 10, Jesus give me assurance of his role in holding my heart once I am His:
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." (John 10:27-30)
I wish I could say that I plan never to stray again, but my heart is sinful. I know it is. I'm just thankful that God provides such beautiful, tangible pictures of his grace. And that Christ provides assurance that even when I wander like Luke, He will never forsake me. He holds me in His hand, and nothing, nothing can ever change that.
As is so eloquently expressed in 2 Corinthians 12:9, in Paul's Second Epistle to the Church of Corinth:
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Yes, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness. For in my broken inability to lead a blameless life and to cling unfailingly to Jesus, the power of his Gospel of Grace shines the most clearly.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Free.
Leviticus.
I have never been interested in Leviticus. I have been content to skip those 40 pages of my Bible and flip to a more "relevant" section. But I've made a commitment to read through the Bible, from cover to cover, before graduation, so I sat down and read it. All the way through. For the first time in my life.
It was incredible. Though many of the priestly laws or laws governing sacrifice or commands to eat only animals that chew cud and are cloven-footed are no longer rules that I have to live my life under, it was humbling to me to realize the magnitude of the law God placed before his people. In reading Leviticus, I was humbled by the harsh reminder of the fact that I will never and can never live up to the law of God. But I was also humbled by the sweet reminder that Jesus has redeemed me, that I am now free from the punishment that I deserve under the law.
God delivered to Moses his divine law to govern the people of Israel. Of the five books of the Pentateuch that comprise the law, Leviticus spends the most time discussing the "dos" and "don'ts" of Old Testament law. In essence, Leviticus is a collection of liturgical legislation that discusses everything from laws governing sacrifice and celebration to dietary law. In my Bible it spans 27 Chapters, and in my opinion the law seems nearly impossible to abide by.
My goodness, I look to the Ten Commandments and I've broken every one of them. I've never killed a man, mind you, but I have committed murder in my heart. If I'm unable to keep just the Ten Commandments, how then could I ever hope to abide by all of the statutes placed forth in Leviticus to find favor in God's eyes?
I stray. Often. I lose sight of the important thigns and surrender to sin. I allow my heart to wander. When I really think about it, I don't believe that enough cattle, or sheep, or rams without blemish existed in the entire Old Testament world to atone for my sin.
Thank goodness I'm no longer held to that standard. I am free from the law. Jesus has called me. He has redeemed me. I am saved and no part of it has been my own doing. My salvation doesn't rest on how well I live, how many good things I can do before I die. And I don't have to atone for my sin by taking animals to the temple to sacrifice to God. The Lamb of God died for me. I am free from the law.
I wish that I could say that this knowledge keeps me firmly grounded in a constant and faithful walk with God, but it doesn't. My faith is like shifting sand. I'm reminded of the lyrics of Derek Webb's song "Beloved". Written from Christ's perspective, the first verse of the song never fails to speak powerfully to me:
"Beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law"
I may be distracted by lesser things. I may allow myself to be "blown all over town", but ultimately that doesn't change anything. I am free from the law. Christ came to redeem me. God is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me. It doesn't get any sweeter than that. I have found freedom in Jesus. I am free.
I have never been interested in Leviticus. I have been content to skip those 40 pages of my Bible and flip to a more "relevant" section. But I've made a commitment to read through the Bible, from cover to cover, before graduation, so I sat down and read it. All the way through. For the first time in my life.
It was incredible. Though many of the priestly laws or laws governing sacrifice or commands to eat only animals that chew cud and are cloven-footed are no longer rules that I have to live my life under, it was humbling to me to realize the magnitude of the law God placed before his people. In reading Leviticus, I was humbled by the harsh reminder of the fact that I will never and can never live up to the law of God. But I was also humbled by the sweet reminder that Jesus has redeemed me, that I am now free from the punishment that I deserve under the law.
God delivered to Moses his divine law to govern the people of Israel. Of the five books of the Pentateuch that comprise the law, Leviticus spends the most time discussing the "dos" and "don'ts" of Old Testament law. In essence, Leviticus is a collection of liturgical legislation that discusses everything from laws governing sacrifice and celebration to dietary law. In my Bible it spans 27 Chapters, and in my opinion the law seems nearly impossible to abide by.
My goodness, I look to the Ten Commandments and I've broken every one of them. I've never killed a man, mind you, but I have committed murder in my heart. If I'm unable to keep just the Ten Commandments, how then could I ever hope to abide by all of the statutes placed forth in Leviticus to find favor in God's eyes?
I stray. Often. I lose sight of the important thigns and surrender to sin. I allow my heart to wander. When I really think about it, I don't believe that enough cattle, or sheep, or rams without blemish existed in the entire Old Testament world to atone for my sin.
Thank goodness I'm no longer held to that standard. I am free from the law. Jesus has called me. He has redeemed me. I am saved and no part of it has been my own doing. My salvation doesn't rest on how well I live, how many good things I can do before I die. And I don't have to atone for my sin by taking animals to the temple to sacrifice to God. The Lamb of God died for me. I am free from the law.
I wish that I could say that this knowledge keeps me firmly grounded in a constant and faithful walk with God, but it doesn't. My faith is like shifting sand. I'm reminded of the lyrics of Derek Webb's song "Beloved". Written from Christ's perspective, the first verse of the song never fails to speak powerfully to me:
"Beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law"
I may be distracted by lesser things. I may allow myself to be "blown all over town", but ultimately that doesn't change anything. I am free from the law. Christ came to redeem me. God is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me. It doesn't get any sweeter than that. I have found freedom in Jesus. I am free.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
"I'm on Aslan's Side".
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."
In the past few days I've been struggling with doubt. I've talked to several people who called into question the validity of the Bible. They don't believe because factual evidentiary support for the Bible isn't certain.
Belief in the fact that the God of the universe cares for us, died for us can't be purely intellectually founded. It requires faith, and that bothers me.
I want things to be certain, for the truth to be objective, self-evident, tangible, black-and-white. But it's just not that simple. I doubt like Thomas. I'm just not lucky enough to have the chance to place my hands in the wounds of Jesus.
I have encountered Jesus--just not in a physical way. It's because of this that doubt can get such a strong foothold in my life. And that's just what it had done earlier this week.
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."
I don't remember what I dreamt about last night, but I do know that I woke up with this quote fixed firmly in my mind. I don't quite know how it got there.
I don't know how my subconscious pulled it to the surface of my thoughts. It's been 3 or 4 years since I read C.S. Lewis' The Silver Chair in which Puddleglum makes this powerful declaration. Actually, I take that back...I know why that quote was emblazoned in my thoughts. It was a "God-Thing". He knew exactly what I needed to calm my pensive, doubting, fearful heart.
"Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say."
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it." At that moment the doubt that had consumed me was drowned in grace. I've realized that it doesn't matter if I'm right...or if I'm wrong. I want this life because if this world is all there is, then I agree with Puddleglum: "Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one." I want this life more than anything of this world. Jesus is mine. And I am His. And nothing else matters.
I love the gentle ways that God makes his truth known to me. I'm not like Moses; He doesn't speak to me from a burning bush. And I'm not like Mary; He doesn't send angels to declare his word. But, when I least expect it, I wake up some mornings with sweet reminders that even though I'm blind to his greatness, even through I'm too stupid to see him for who he truly is, that My Jesus is more beautiful than anything else I could ever want.
"I'm on Aslan's side"....not because the intellectual evidence is undeniable, but because Jesus has called me and I want his life more than anything else in the world. "I'm on Aslan's side," and I know that King Jesus leads it.
In the past few days I've been struggling with doubt. I've talked to several people who called into question the validity of the Bible. They don't believe because factual evidentiary support for the Bible isn't certain.
Belief in the fact that the God of the universe cares for us, died for us can't be purely intellectually founded. It requires faith, and that bothers me.
I want things to be certain, for the truth to be objective, self-evident, tangible, black-and-white. But it's just not that simple. I doubt like Thomas. I'm just not lucky enough to have the chance to place my hands in the wounds of Jesus.
I have encountered Jesus--just not in a physical way. It's because of this that doubt can get such a strong foothold in my life. And that's just what it had done earlier this week.
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."
I don't remember what I dreamt about last night, but I do know that I woke up with this quote fixed firmly in my mind. I don't quite know how it got there.
I don't know how my subconscious pulled it to the surface of my thoughts. It's been 3 or 4 years since I read C.S. Lewis' The Silver Chair in which Puddleglum makes this powerful declaration. Actually, I take that back...I know why that quote was emblazoned in my thoughts. It was a "God-Thing". He knew exactly what I needed to calm my pensive, doubting, fearful heart.
"Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say."
"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it." At that moment the doubt that had consumed me was drowned in grace. I've realized that it doesn't matter if I'm right...or if I'm wrong. I want this life because if this world is all there is, then I agree with Puddleglum: "Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one." I want this life more than anything of this world. Jesus is mine. And I am His. And nothing else matters.
I love the gentle ways that God makes his truth known to me. I'm not like Moses; He doesn't speak to me from a burning bush. And I'm not like Mary; He doesn't send angels to declare his word. But, when I least expect it, I wake up some mornings with sweet reminders that even though I'm blind to his greatness, even through I'm too stupid to see him for who he truly is, that My Jesus is more beautiful than anything else I could ever want.
"I'm on Aslan's side"....not because the intellectual evidence is undeniable, but because Jesus has called me and I want his life more than anything else in the world. "I'm on Aslan's side," and I know that King Jesus leads it.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"Regular Everyday Conversation".
Last night I watched the movie "New In Town" with Renee Zelwegger. It's a cute movie about Lucy, a Miami business woman, who has to move to New Ulm, Minnesota to oversee a factory there.
At first, Lucy is appalled by the idea of having to move to a podunk town in the middle of a vast frozen wilderness, but once she arrives she meets some of the friendliest small-town people anyone could ever hope to know.
By far, the friendliest of all the friendly inhabitants of New Ulm is Lucy's new secretary, Blanche. Towards the end of the movie, poor Blanche finds out that Lucy has been lying to her. She's hurt when she realizes that Lucy cares far more about advancing her own career than she does about the people of New Ulm. She confronts Lucy, acknowledging that Minnesotans aren't "cool" like everybody else: "We talk funny, we ice fish, we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation."
"We drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation." It hit me. Buried in that silly romantic comedy about Minnesota was a line so convicting that I've been thinking about it ever since.
"We drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation." The people of New Ulm do. But I don't. Bringing up Jesus in "regular everyday conversation"...especially conversation with non-believers can be really awkward so I usually shy away from doing it. I'm pitiful. I allow uncomfortable circumstances to keep me quiet about the most awesome thing I've ever known. The God of the universe loves me. My Jesus died for me. I should be shouting his name from the rooftops rather than keeping him confined to conversations with my Bible study group or an occasional mention of him to a friend from church.
We are called to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" Matthew 28:19. The Great Commission. I've always associated it with missionaries who pack up their belongings to preach the Good News to the unreached and unengaged peoples of the world, but Jesus calls us to so much more than that. I'll start right here, making disciples in this nation. I'll share the gospel any chance that I get, and I'll make a conscious effort to "drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation".
At first, Lucy is appalled by the idea of having to move to a podunk town in the middle of a vast frozen wilderness, but once she arrives she meets some of the friendliest small-town people anyone could ever hope to know.
By far, the friendliest of all the friendly inhabitants of New Ulm is Lucy's new secretary, Blanche. Towards the end of the movie, poor Blanche finds out that Lucy has been lying to her. She's hurt when she realizes that Lucy cares far more about advancing her own career than she does about the people of New Ulm. She confronts Lucy, acknowledging that Minnesotans aren't "cool" like everybody else: "We talk funny, we ice fish, we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation."
"We drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation." It hit me. Buried in that silly romantic comedy about Minnesota was a line so convicting that I've been thinking about it ever since.
"We drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation." The people of New Ulm do. But I don't. Bringing up Jesus in "regular everyday conversation"...especially conversation with non-believers can be really awkward so I usually shy away from doing it. I'm pitiful. I allow uncomfortable circumstances to keep me quiet about the most awesome thing I've ever known. The God of the universe loves me. My Jesus died for me. I should be shouting his name from the rooftops rather than keeping him confined to conversations with my Bible study group or an occasional mention of him to a friend from church.
We are called to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" Matthew 28:19. The Great Commission. I've always associated it with missionaries who pack up their belongings to preach the Good News to the unreached and unengaged peoples of the world, but Jesus calls us to so much more than that. I'll start right here, making disciples in this nation. I'll share the gospel any chance that I get, and I'll make a conscious effort to "drag Jesus into regular everyday conversation".
Monday, January 18, 2010
Forgiven.
Exodus.
Moses encountered the living God in the burning bush.
Moses warned Pharoh of the coming plagues.
Moses parted the Red Sea and led the Israelites to the Promised Land.
Moses met God on Mount Sinai.
Moses brought the 10 Commandments to his people.
Moses authored the Pentateuch.
God used Moses for greatness, but Moses was a simple man. Moses was a sinner just like me. Perhaps that is what draws me so powerfully to his story.
I'll admit that I'm a "recoving Pharisee". I struggle daily with moralism and legalism and I fall to defeat when I fail to earn the grace that God gives so freely. I should learn that I'll never be good enough, but I am stubborn and slow to learn.
I'm a sinner. It's natural. It's innate. It's as much a part of who I am as anything else about me. I wallow perpetually in mental sin. I don't recognize God in his glory in the way that I should--ever. I know that I'm sinful. The idea that I'm a sinner is nothing new to me.
But, when my sinful nature manifests itself physically I often feel separation from God, as though I've wronged him so greatly that forgiveness simply isn't big enough to cover me.
For me, the story of Moses is a beautiful reminder that God uses sinful people. He works through us to achieve his purposes, to proclaim his glory.
In Exodus 2:12 Moses strikes an Egyptian, killing the man. Murder. Moses committed murder. He took a life, hid the body in the sand, and fled from Egypt. Moses committed a sin that I often view as being "unforgivable" but within a matter of Bible verses, God appears before Moses in the burning bush. Moses's sin held no power to prevent God from using Moses for his purposes.
Sin separates us from God, but he is powerful to overcome that separation. Once he selects us as one of his own, nothing in our sinful nature is big enough to hinder his plans for us.
My sins have been forgiven. All of them. My sins have all been washed away. I can rest in knowing that I am forgiven.
Moses encountered the living God in the burning bush.
Moses warned Pharoh of the coming plagues.
Moses parted the Red Sea and led the Israelites to the Promised Land.
Moses met God on Mount Sinai.
Moses brought the 10 Commandments to his people.
Moses authored the Pentateuch.
God used Moses for greatness, but Moses was a simple man. Moses was a sinner just like me. Perhaps that is what draws me so powerfully to his story.
I'll admit that I'm a "recoving Pharisee". I struggle daily with moralism and legalism and I fall to defeat when I fail to earn the grace that God gives so freely. I should learn that I'll never be good enough, but I am stubborn and slow to learn.
I'm a sinner. It's natural. It's innate. It's as much a part of who I am as anything else about me. I wallow perpetually in mental sin. I don't recognize God in his glory in the way that I should--ever. I know that I'm sinful. The idea that I'm a sinner is nothing new to me.
But, when my sinful nature manifests itself physically I often feel separation from God, as though I've wronged him so greatly that forgiveness simply isn't big enough to cover me.
For me, the story of Moses is a beautiful reminder that God uses sinful people. He works through us to achieve his purposes, to proclaim his glory.
In Exodus 2:12 Moses strikes an Egyptian, killing the man. Murder. Moses committed murder. He took a life, hid the body in the sand, and fled from Egypt. Moses committed a sin that I often view as being "unforgivable" but within a matter of Bible verses, God appears before Moses in the burning bush. Moses's sin held no power to prevent God from using Moses for his purposes.
Sin separates us from God, but he is powerful to overcome that separation. Once he selects us as one of his own, nothing in our sinful nature is big enough to hinder his plans for us.
My sins have been forgiven. All of them. My sins have all been washed away. I can rest in knowing that I am forgiven.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
In The Beginning.
Genesis.
I still struggle to fathom the time before the world began. When nothing existed. The time before mountains, or dinosaurs, or trees.
God in his triune perfection reigned, but all else was dark and void....until He spoke. "Let there be light" and for the first time in all of eternity, the stillness of velvety darkness was broken.
Light. Water. Land. Plants. Sun. Birds. Sea Creatures. Land Animals. Man. Woman. And God saw that it was "good" and on the seventh day he rested from his work.
Though these opening verses of the Bible are perhaps the most often quoted of all scripture,I am still floored by the absolute power of our God. He spoke light into existence, he created all that exists and upholds the physical universe.
We aren't random products of a random universe....we didn't rise up from the goo after millions of years of evolution. We were created by God in his image for the sole purpose of bringing Him glory. Not that God needed us to increase his glory. We are utterly incapable of doing any such thing. Rather, like a mirror that reflects the image of what stands before it, as God's creation we reflect the glory of the Creator. Our great God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
So, let us revel in the joy we find in Jesus and rest in the knowledge that our great God is powerful to do all things.
I still struggle to fathom the time before the world began. When nothing existed. The time before mountains, or dinosaurs, or trees.
God in his triune perfection reigned, but all else was dark and void....until He spoke. "Let there be light" and for the first time in all of eternity, the stillness of velvety darkness was broken.
Light. Water. Land. Plants. Sun. Birds. Sea Creatures. Land Animals. Man. Woman. And God saw that it was "good" and on the seventh day he rested from his work.
Though these opening verses of the Bible are perhaps the most often quoted of all scripture,I am still floored by the absolute power of our God. He spoke light into existence, he created all that exists and upholds the physical universe.
We aren't random products of a random universe....we didn't rise up from the goo after millions of years of evolution. We were created by God in his image for the sole purpose of bringing Him glory. Not that God needed us to increase his glory. We are utterly incapable of doing any such thing. Rather, like a mirror that reflects the image of what stands before it, as God's creation we reflect the glory of the Creator. Our great God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
So, let us revel in the joy we find in Jesus and rest in the knowledge that our great God is powerful to do all things.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
This Time I Mean It.
I've decided to read through the Bible. Before Graduation.
This is not my typical "I'll read through the Bible" New Year's Resolution. Every January 1st, for the past 3 years I've promised myself that THIS time I'll actually stick to it....I'll read it all the way through, but I've never been diligent enough to finish. I've never even made it a week.
But this time, things will be different. This time I mean it. I'll read the Bible from cover-to-cover. And I won't take 365 days to do it. I'll finish by May 20th.
I'm really excited about this. How awesome it will be to embark on this adventure, to read through the entirety of God's Word, His love letter to me.
I've decided to read through the Bible. This time I mean it.
This is not my typical "I'll read through the Bible" New Year's Resolution. Every January 1st, for the past 3 years I've promised myself that THIS time I'll actually stick to it....I'll read it all the way through, but I've never been diligent enough to finish. I've never even made it a week.
But this time, things will be different. This time I mean it. I'll read the Bible from cover-to-cover. And I won't take 365 days to do it. I'll finish by May 20th.
I'm really excited about this. How awesome it will be to embark on this adventure, to read through the entirety of God's Word, His love letter to me.
I've decided to read through the Bible. This time I mean it.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wisdom Teeth.
They took my wisdom teeth on Friday.
Everyone joked that I wouldn't be wise anymore. Who were they kidding? 17 year old me? Wise? Nope. I'm smart, but I've never been wise.
I laughed at their name. "Wisdom Teeth". What a silly name for that last obnoxious set of molars. But I've found that "wisdom teeth are aptly named.
We started back to school from Christmas break last Tuesday. In my time without school I was enjoying leisurely hour and a half long quiet times and reading John Piper books before I fell asleep. Things were good, but I was worried that the responsibilites and deadlines of school would soon stifle my relationship with Jesus. So on Tuesday night, I journaled a prayer: "Jesus, please provide me with circumstances that will require me to place my trust in you." I drifted off to sleep thinking that IF that prayer was to be answered it would simply be in the form of a difficult school week. WOW, did I ever underestimate God's plan.
The next day, Wednesday, the pain in my mouth caused by my wisdom teeth coming in had grown so bad that I checked out of school and scheduled an emergency appointment with the dentist. I showed up at his office at around 9:30 and within half an hour he'd informed me that I needed to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed--soon. We immediately scheduled an appointment with the oral surgeon for Friday.
I still laugh when I think about it. God answered my prayer in less than 12 hours. In such a funny way. I had been afraid of having my wisdom teeth taken out for YEARS...ever since I was like 7. It was so humbling to smile to myself, graciously accept the (uncomfortable) blessing, and acknowledge "I asked for it, Jesus." He certainly has a sense of humor. :)
So, just as I asked, all of this has been an exercise in trust--Friday especially. However, trust isn't all that I've learned. I feel as though God has presented me with a new lesson--a new morsel of "wisdom" each day throughout all of this. It's been so exciting to find out what awaits me each day.
As I said, Friday was an exercise in trust. I'm a worrier, but when fearful thoughts would arise, I simply whispered "I trust you, Jesus" and I was immediately reminded of God's sovreignty in all things...big and small. If God's in control, what do I have to worry about. For, "If God is for us, who can be against us." Romans 8:31.
Saturday, I woke up really swollen...with my typically rounded face all squared-off at the jaw. I was puffy and looked like I'd gained 20 pounds but aside from pain caused by swelling I didn't feel bad. I spent my day out-and-about. I went to lunch with my grandparents and went to Starbucks with a friend, I had fun but it was hard to enjoy myself because I was so worried about how UGLY and SWOLLEN I was. It's silly, but my self-conscious thoughts were eating away at my enjoyment of the day. I had planned to go to the youth group semester kick-off Dodgeball Game with friends, but I began to worry that I was so swollen and puffy that maybe it would be better not to go. Finally, I swallowed my pride and dressed in my 80s/Jazzercise attire to get ready for the night. :) I'm so glad I did. My sweet friends were so encouraging...and noone seemed to care that my face was twice the size it was supposed to be. I even smiled for pictures that ended up on Facebook--Haha. Later that night as I wiped my 80s make up off of my face, I looked into the mirror and initially I was angry at the swelling. Within moments, though, I realized how stupid I was being. I realized that the people who matter love me for who I am, not for how much I weigh or how well I dress and do my make-up. The only people that matter love me for me. I realized that I'm beautiful in a way that this world may not always appreciate. I am beautiful because God created me. I am His and He is mine, that's all that really matters. I had a fantasitc time and God really used that night as a lesson in confidence and assurance in who He created me to be.
Sunday's lesson was in brokenness. Standing in Sunday School, my face so swollen I spoke with a slight lisp, I had little reason to be prideful. When the Praise Team began to play, the opening chords of "Blessed Be Your Name" filled the room. "Though there's pain in the offering, Lord, Blessed be your name...." It hurt to even open my mouth and quietly sing along. What a sweet, lyrical reminder that Jesus meets me where I stand.
What a funny, unexpected adventure these past few days have been. Yes, I do believe that "wisdom teeth" are aptly named.
Everyone joked that I wouldn't be wise anymore. Who were they kidding? 17 year old me? Wise? Nope. I'm smart, but I've never been wise.
I laughed at their name. "Wisdom Teeth". What a silly name for that last obnoxious set of molars. But I've found that "wisdom teeth are aptly named.
We started back to school from Christmas break last Tuesday. In my time without school I was enjoying leisurely hour and a half long quiet times and reading John Piper books before I fell asleep. Things were good, but I was worried that the responsibilites and deadlines of school would soon stifle my relationship with Jesus. So on Tuesday night, I journaled a prayer: "Jesus, please provide me with circumstances that will require me to place my trust in you." I drifted off to sleep thinking that IF that prayer was to be answered it would simply be in the form of a difficult school week. WOW, did I ever underestimate God's plan.
The next day, Wednesday, the pain in my mouth caused by my wisdom teeth coming in had grown so bad that I checked out of school and scheduled an emergency appointment with the dentist. I showed up at his office at around 9:30 and within half an hour he'd informed me that I needed to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed--soon. We immediately scheduled an appointment with the oral surgeon for Friday.
I still laugh when I think about it. God answered my prayer in less than 12 hours. In such a funny way. I had been afraid of having my wisdom teeth taken out for YEARS...ever since I was like 7. It was so humbling to smile to myself, graciously accept the (uncomfortable) blessing, and acknowledge "I asked for it, Jesus." He certainly has a sense of humor. :)
So, just as I asked, all of this has been an exercise in trust--Friday especially. However, trust isn't all that I've learned. I feel as though God has presented me with a new lesson--a new morsel of "wisdom" each day throughout all of this. It's been so exciting to find out what awaits me each day.
As I said, Friday was an exercise in trust. I'm a worrier, but when fearful thoughts would arise, I simply whispered "I trust you, Jesus" and I was immediately reminded of God's sovreignty in all things...big and small. If God's in control, what do I have to worry about. For, "If God is for us, who can be against us." Romans 8:31.
Saturday, I woke up really swollen...with my typically rounded face all squared-off at the jaw. I was puffy and looked like I'd gained 20 pounds but aside from pain caused by swelling I didn't feel bad. I spent my day out-and-about. I went to lunch with my grandparents and went to Starbucks with a friend, I had fun but it was hard to enjoy myself because I was so worried about how UGLY and SWOLLEN I was. It's silly, but my self-conscious thoughts were eating away at my enjoyment of the day. I had planned to go to the youth group semester kick-off Dodgeball Game with friends, but I began to worry that I was so swollen and puffy that maybe it would be better not to go. Finally, I swallowed my pride and dressed in my 80s/Jazzercise attire to get ready for the night. :) I'm so glad I did. My sweet friends were so encouraging...and noone seemed to care that my face was twice the size it was supposed to be. I even smiled for pictures that ended up on Facebook--Haha. Later that night as I wiped my 80s make up off of my face, I looked into the mirror and initially I was angry at the swelling. Within moments, though, I realized how stupid I was being. I realized that the people who matter love me for who I am, not for how much I weigh or how well I dress and do my make-up. The only people that matter love me for me. I realized that I'm beautiful in a way that this world may not always appreciate. I am beautiful because God created me. I am His and He is mine, that's all that really matters. I had a fantasitc time and God really used that night as a lesson in confidence and assurance in who He created me to be.
Sunday's lesson was in brokenness. Standing in Sunday School, my face so swollen I spoke with a slight lisp, I had little reason to be prideful. When the Praise Team began to play, the opening chords of "Blessed Be Your Name" filled the room. "Though there's pain in the offering, Lord, Blessed be your name...." It hurt to even open my mouth and quietly sing along. What a sweet, lyrical reminder that Jesus meets me where I stand.
What a funny, unexpected adventure these past few days have been. Yes, I do believe that "wisdom teeth" are aptly named.
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